Session Two: Resolution (Oct 28)

A verbal shot is fired and our gut tells us to fire back. That word, that attitude from someone else hurt us or made us mad, so we want to give some of that back. Been there? How often do we quickly react to something a sibling or parent does or says in a way that raises the level of tension and anger instead of diffusing it? But there is another option! We can choose to stop the madness and think through our words and actions. We can begin to see more clearly that when something provokes us, we have a choice to make before we respond. We can be part of the resolution instead of part of the problem.

Session Two Parent Cue: Take a recent argument or “loud discussion” you had. Write down what prompted the conversation, then write down each of your responses. Now backtrack and each of you identify the decisions you made that prompted your responses. Maybe you reacted to how something was said, or one word set you off. Maybe you responded out of fear of what could happen.   

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session One: Snapshot (Oct 21)

Does it ever feel like there are families who are more “perfect” than yours? They dress better. Have a nicer house. Never seem to have a disagreement of any kind. But when we see these families, we’re not seeing the full picture; we’re simply seeing a snapshot. If we actually lived in that family and dealt with each person on a daily basis, we would probably realize that the perfect family is, well, a myth. The truth is that no family is perfect. We are all just human, and when we realize that we can live in the messiness of our families and learn to find the good, we begin to understand the purpose God has in placing us in our particular family.

Parents, talk with your kids about these questions: Have you ever thought a family was “perfect,” only to find out how “normal” they were as you got to know them? Did you ever wish you were part of a different family growing up? Why?  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Forward Motion-- How to Raise a Jerk

Many of you crave forward motion in your family. You know what you want your children to be. You want them to be kind, respectful, responsible, intelligent, creative individuals. You want them to be able to succeed when they grow up and leave your home. But sometimes you look at them and you think that it may never happen. Sometimes, between the myriad of parenting books and child-rearing philosophies, you can get lost in the “how to” of raising wonderful kids who become successful adults.

In Reggie Joiner’s Orange Parents post entitled “How to Raise a Jerk,” Joiner encourages parents in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek way about raising kids who become the adults parents want to see them grow into. Here is an excerpt from this post. To read the post in its entirety, go to http://www.orangeparents.org/how-raise-a-jerk/

Some leaders say too many who work hard at building children’s self-esteem are raising kids who will exhibit a lifestyle of entitlement and egotism. Other specialists say those who talk about children being innately bad are raising a generation that feels inferior and insignificant. Every expert has an opinion and it’s hard to know where the line actually is. Many promote their agenda by pushing the opposing opinion to the extreme.

One of the keys to parenting with balance is helping your children develop an attitude of humility. Every child has the potential to grow up and understand why it’s important to “put others first.” There is just a fine line between raising kids who have a healthy self-esteem and kids who are too egotistical. A life of arrogance that goes unchecked can result in a sad and lonely existence for someone, and frankly there are enough self-centered people around. How does someone develop an overinflated sense of self-worth and entitlement?

Here are a few ideas to help you effectively raise a jerk:

• Protect them from the consequences of their own mistakes.
• Make sure you do whatever they can do for themselves.
• Keep them away from anyone who thinks differently than they do.
• Try to give them everything they want.
• Tell them over and over again you just want them to be happy.
• Convince them that they are more special than other kids.
• Always take their side when they get in trouble with their teacher at school.
• Always take their side whenever they are in a conflict with a friend.
• Keep insisting that they are the best player on the team.
• Don’t give them consistent opportunities to help or serve other people.
• Never require them to do chores.
• Reinforce their prejudices about people from different cultures or backgrounds.
• Make your relationship with them more important than your relationship with your spouse.
• Rarely express genuine gratitude to those who help you.
• Teach them to talk more than they listen.
• Never let them hear you say, “I was wrong. I am sorry.”

Maybe you can add a few ideas of your own… on how to raise a jerk.

Whatever parenting philosophy we ascribe to, we all want to see our kids succeed. Whether it’s at school, sports, music or in the character traits they possess, we all want our kids to thrive. And the truth is, a huge part of their success is us. We set the tone for so much of their self-worth, self-understanding and self-image. So, let’s focus on being a part of the steps we want to see them take. Let’s get in the game with them and encourage their steps towards realizing the potential that God has placed inside of them.  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan 
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session 3: Switch (Sept 2)

“Who do you say I am?” This is the question Jesus asked His disciples centuries ago, and it is the same one He asks us today. When we answer Him, when we decide to trade what we know for what we don’t and to trade judgment for love, we are making a decision to also trade in our old lives for new ones. We are trading our “talk” for our “do.” We are choosing to put our faith into action. This may mean something different for each of us. But when we answer Jesus’ question, “Who do you say I am?” we are making a statement with our mouths and with our lives. We are accepting His offer to trade in something good for something better. 

Session 3 Parent Cue:(Talk with your kids about these questions) Who is Jesus to you—what does He mean to your life? Would you be willing to trade something you think is best for something Jesus says is better? If so, what is it? What would you need to overcome to do that? 

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

The Beautiful Trade Session 1: Exchange(Aug 19)

Have you ever had to do research for a class paper? Sometimes you start out with your topic thinking that you know exactly what you are going to write about. But then, after you start reading some books and digging into the research, you realize that you actually know very little about the topic and have to start from scratch and just learn. You have to trade what you think you know for what you don’t. And it’s the same when it comes to following Jesus. Sometimes we have to trade what we think we know—about Jesus, about what is best for us, about what we think about others—in order to fully participate with God in what we don’t know. 

Session 1 Parent Cue: How is it easier for you to make Jesus an addition to your life rather than to trust Him in every area of your life?  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

July 29- Aug 12, 2012

Action Point

We as parents set the stage for the way our family views and interacts with the world. And this is especially true for our children. How we spend our money, our time, our resources—our lives—sends a clear signal to our families about what is most important to us. Throughout this series your students have been learning about their role as co-laborers with God. And what that means is that your student has an important role to play in God’s story. Just as they are. As young as they are. As silly as they are. As creative as they are. They are the exact person God wants to use to effect change in this world. And your ability and willingness to support them can give wings to their God-given desire to reach out and make a difference.

So, take a moment to dig deep and reflect on how you can support your son or daughter’s role as a co-laborer with God as you answer the following questions: 

1) Where have you seen your student get fired up to serve or to impact change in their world? Maybe it’s been through a service opportunity with their youth group or a passion that was fueled after seeing a film about the needs of people half way around the world. Think about the thing that breaks your student’s heart or gets them excited. Then, think about the gifts that you have seen expressed in their lives since they were little. How can these passions and gifts come together to make change? Take some time this week to tell your student where and how you see them putting together their passions and gifts to make a difference in their world.

2) How can you encourage that desire and create opportunities through your community, work relationships, church relationships, etc.? After you have talked about the issues your student is passionate about and the gifts they possess, brainstorm some resources that you have as a family. Maybe there are people you know that are directly involved with a particular cause. Or, maybe you have the skills to navigate the Internet and make calls to get the ball rolling for your student. Think through the ways you can support your student’s involvement in God’s story of reconciliation. It may even be as simple as praying with them over the things that are close to their heart—whether it’s a global issue or a close friend who they are concerned about. 

The bottom line is that when your student feels encouraged and supported by you in both word and deed, they will be able to take the amazing ideas and gifts that God has placed in them and do amazing things. And you will get to share in the joy of watching them bring God’s heavenly kingdom to Earth.

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session One: The Breakup? (July 1)

There is a natural ebb and flow to our relationships, isn’t there? There are times when we feel really close to someone, and times when we don’t. The reasons vary, but there are times when we’re just not feeling that into a relationship. It’s true of our friendships and other relationships, but what happens when it happens in our relationship with God? And when it does, why is it so difficult to admit it? 

Session One Parent Cue: Describe a time when you felt really close to God. Now, describe a time when you felt really distant from Him.

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it. 
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Dating By Numbers Week 3

We have all needed a second chance or a “do over” when it comes to our relationships. Sometimes, that has meant we needed to walk away and sometimes it meant the relationship has walked away from us and we need to reset who we are. 

Share with your teenager a time when you needed to push the “reset” button and get a fresh perspective on a particular relationship or maybe even on yourself. 

Geoffrey Canada says, “We always give (our kids) the message of salvation and forgiveness with our chastisements.” 

How can you do this when your teen struggles through a particular relationship? If your teenager has already learned some hard lessons, how did you handle it? Looking back, would you have handled it differently?

In order to Widen the Circle, we need to point our teens towards those people who can help them come to a healthy self-image and help them find their place in a rich community. 

Who are those people in your student’s life who won’t give up on them and who can help them experience forgiveness and encourage them in growth? (Think peers, but also think of other adults too.)

Here is a summary of this week's Sunday School lesson:

Though it is a message we may hear more subtly as adults, as teenagers it is a lot more loud and clear: Single is second rate. If you really want to matter, if you really want to be someone, then the key is to be in a relationship. Not exactly a great message—and not exactly accurate either. What if, when it comes to relationships, we are putting the emphasis on the wrong thing? What if the point isn’t our relationship status at all? What if in our attempt to fit into the culture we are compromising the things that matter the most? And what if God has something different, something better in mind? Relationships may feel like the whole world—but what if God is calling our attention to a different way of living?

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

June 10

Relationships are a joy. But they can also be painful, devastating, all consuming and overwhelming. As parents, we know this all too well and some of us try to do everything we can to protect our children from the possible pain of breakups, emotional rollercoasters and those girls or guys we are certain are nothing but trouble. In fact, those of us with daughters may joke that there’s no way our little girls will date until they hit 30! But the truth is, they will date eventually and this can be a good thing. What isn’t a good thing is when our kids allow any one relationship to define who they are so much that when the relationship dissolves, they are left broken and feeling like they have lost a sense of who they are. Even worse is when they feel like a failure because of their relational mistakes. And sometimes we as parents do more to make them feel like their mistakes are insurmountable than we do to encourage them with forgiveness. 

Geoffrey Canada, an education reformer in Harlem, talks about this in his book “Reaching Up for Manhood.” His important and revolutionary ideas are discussed on the Orange Parents Blog (http://www.orangeparents.org/some-kids-cant-be-forgiven/):

According to Canada, kids need to grow up with a certain level of failure so they can understand it’s possible to move beyond their mistakes. They need to know that they can be forgiven, not only by their parents but by others adults as well.  He says churches can be key in providing the missing ingredient of forgiveness in the lives of kids. 

The truth is, there may be no other area where our kids experience more failure than that of their dating relationships.  As a result, there may be no other area where our students are in need of, and desperate for forgiveness, then in the area of their dating relationships. The challenge for us as parents is learning to allow them to fail to some degree, if only so they can consequently learn that we, as their parents, are able to look beyond and move past their mistakes. But like Canada says, this is more than just a message for parents. This is a message the church could and should embrace. And as parents, this means we need to become serious about one of the Five Parenting Principles of Orange: Widening the Circle. 

What exactly does “widening the circle” mean? It means that we need to pursue strategic relationships with other trusted adults for our sons and daughters. It means that we widen their community of healthy adults so that when things don’t go as planned with that guy or girl they were sure was “the one,” they aren’t left alone with the relational fall out. It means when they realize they may have made some poor relational choices, they have a support system around them that meets them where they are and encourages them—even in their failure. When our students realize that their sphere of influence, their pool of trusted friends and their support system extends beyond their parents they may be spared some serious scars—not just spared scars from poor relational choices, but scars from not receiving the acceptance and forgiveness they needed from the people they needed it from.  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it. 
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session Six: Big Moments (May 27)

Have you ever met someone who went through something really difficult, yet if they had a chance to rewind and change what happened, they would be reluctant to do it? And the reason is because there was something they learned from that experience. It’s what we call a pivotal circumstance, a defining moment in their lives. Each of us has had one. Some may seem bigger than others. But to each one of us, they are huge. And you know what? Even thought it’s not something we would necessarily choose or want to happen, God takes those moments and uses them to grow our faith.  

Parents, talk with your kids this week in preparation for their Sunday School conversation. Discuss these questions: Share about a time in your life that was really hard, but something good came out of it. Maybe you learned something new about God or yourself. Maybe you built some great relationships with people who supported you. How did what you learned or experienced somehow make the situation more bearable?  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session Five: Big Serve (May 20)

Did you know that your spiritual growth is linked to your service? That’s right. You get something out of filling that volunteer position in the nursery or children’s ministry. You’re not just doing a job, filling a slot—you’re growing. God uses that service to teach you something about Him and others. And even if you don’t feel like you’re the best person for the job, or if you wonder, “Why am I doing this?” God says that if you want to grow, you have to serve. 

Parents, consider these questions and discuss them with your kids this week: Have you ever had a great experience while serving another person? What was so great about it? What are some characteristics you see in each other that would be assets in serving?  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session Four: Big Give (May 6)

God grows your faith through spiritual disciplines. That’s probably not news for you. Praying and being generous are just things that Christian do. But there’s more than just doing an action because it’s the right thing to do. In fact, in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, He tells us that not only is our heart tied to how we pray and our generosity, but also the growth of our faith. 

Parents, think about this question for yourselves and talk about it with your teenager: How can you leverage your time this week so that you spend more time with God? What is one way you can be generous this week?

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session Three: Big Team (April 29)

This is what we are talking about in Sunday School this week!

Who has had the most influence in your life? Your mom? Your dad? A coach? A camp counselor? There are all kinds of people that play a part in our lives, in our stories. And some of these people have played a part in how you see God. In fact, God has used some of those relationships to grow your faith. We call these relationships providential because they are about having the right people in your life at just the right time. 

Parents ask your teen these questions this week in preparation for Sunday School: Who are the people in your life who have had a direct impact on your relationship with God? In what way did these people influence, guide or encourage you?  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session Two: Big Life (April 22)

You can know a lot. Maybe you know the stats of every football player in the NFL. Maybe you know the cheat codes to hundreds of games. Maybe you know every Scripture in the New Testament. But unless you do something with what you know, then what you know isn’t enough. Especially when it comes to our faith. God’s truth was meant to be put into action. It was meant to affect our lives, our relationships. And when we begin to live out the truths we know, something happens to us our faith. It begins to grow. 

Parents, talk with your kids this week about this question in preparation for Sunday School : What is one truth that you know from the Bible that you can commit to live out this week? Follow up with each other to see how that’s going. 

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Grow Up- Session One: Big Faith (April 15)

This week we begin a new series in our Sunday School called "Grow Up". It's purpose is to turn our teen's attention to growth in their spiritual walk rather than just their physical growth and "maturity".

Here's a summary of week one:

Your faith in God matters to God. In fact, God is most honored through your living, active, death-defying, out-of-the-box faith. That being the case, He’s committed to growing it. Big. Imagine how differently you would respond to difficulties, temptations, and even good things if you knew with certainty that God was in all of it and was planning to leverage it for good. But in order for all of that to happen, there’s one thing it all hinges on—your trust. 

Parents, talk work this question into conversation this week with your teenager: What area of your life are you most reluctant to trust God? Why? 


It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Illuminate Session 2(April 1)

Bottom Line: God is present in the storms of our lives because of what Jesus experienced on Good Friday. 

Parents, to follow up with last week's SS topic, bring up this question in conversation with your teenager this week: If the idea of bread represents God’s provision physically but also spiritually, emotionally and relationally, where do you feel like you need God to be your bread right now? How do you need to be filled?


For this week we will talk about water. “I feel like I’m drowning here. I just can’t seem to keep my head above water.” Are these phrases you’ve heard your students say, or maybe you yourself have said? We all deal with the storms of life and so did many people in Scripture—from Noah, to David and even to Jesus, as He endured death on the cross. But God promises to be present with us. And the story of Easter, the story of Jesus’ own separation from God and triumph over death, is what allows us to find hope in God’s presence. God sent Jesus to be our Living Water. In the turbulence that we face, we are not alone. 


It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

The Cross (March 18-25)

If the cross is where we come to die, then how do we live? Because the cross is not the end of the story. There is also an empty tomb. The cross isn’t just about death, it’s about life. We die to something, but we also live as well. After all, Jesus says: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10 NIV). This past week, we talked about not settling for a half-life, but a life that is full. Parents, follow up with your teen this week on the challenge they accepted or denied last week: What does it mean to live life to the full? How does that compare to my life? 

This next week we begin a new series entitled "Illuminate". “Give us this day our daily bread.” This sounds familiar to most of us, even if we haven’t been in church for very long. But what does this actually mean? What does bread represent? To the Israelites in the desert, it meant that God would literally provide food for their groaning bellies. For the people listening to Jesus preach the Sermon on the Mount, it represented what they needed, both physically and spiritually, to make it from day to day. And for us, bread represents the One who came to be our true provision. Jesus can provide for us. He can sustain us. So where do we need that provision?

  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

The Cross Session One (March 11)

Most of us think of the cross as the place where Jesus died for us. That is true. But it’s also about more than that. The cross isn’t just the place where Jesus died. The cross is the place where we die too. It’s not just an event that happened thousands of years ago. It’s an ongoing part of being a follower of Jesus. This week students will discover the ongoing, sacrificial life Jesus called His disciples to lead—a life characterized by the cross.

Parents, talk with your kids about this question: What are some ways that I am challenged to sacrifice myself in everyday life?  
Also, check out www.orangeparents.org for more help in parenting and connecting with your teen.

Next week in Sunday School we will be meeting with all ages(6-12th grade) together in the fellowship hall. We will continue our discussion of the Cross and students will have the opportunity to identify the things in their lives that need to die in order to follow Christ, and literally nail them to a cross. Please be in prayer for our students this week!

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

New Friend Request Session Three: Ignore? (March 4)

Relationships=conflict. It’s natural. It’s part of two people relating to one another because at some point, you’re not going to agree. One person will do something the other person doesn’t like. One person will let the other person down. One person will say or do something stupid. It happens. And at some point, it happens to us—either we’re the person making the mess, or the one who is feeling the effects of the mess. So how do you navigate your way through the drama? Do you just ignore it and hope it goes away? Do you just drop that friend? Or do you find a way to work it out? The choice is yours.

Hey parents! Talk to your teen this week about friendships. Work this question into conversation: What is the biggest fight you’ve ever had with a friend? What was the outcome?  
It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session Two: Respond? (Feb 26)

Someone to listen to my problems. Someone to do stuff with. Someone to talk to constantly. Someone to hang out with. When you make a list of what qualities you want in a friend, how many of the things on your list involve what that person can do for you? Most of us would have to admit that it’s a lot. But the best friendships are ones that are not just about what the other person can do for you—the best friendships also involve how you can be there for someone else. How you can listen, instead of always talking. How you can give someone space when he or she needs it, or just hang out when your friend needs that too. In other words, the best friendships are not centered solely on you—and that’s a good thing. 

Parents work this question into a car ride conversation with your teen this week: What are some ways you’ve been able to help out your friends? 

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Session One: Accept? (Feb 19)

Having friends is great. Whether you want one, or you already have one, there’s just something about having other people in your life who you can count on. For many, friendships just happen. A new friend is in the right place at the right time. And while friendships may start out randomly, there is an intentionality about who we allow close to us—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because the people who are closest to you have influence on your life. They help shape who you are. So who are the friends closest to you . . . and how are they influencing you? 

Parents, ask yourself these questions and talk about them with your kids... give them a little insight into your friends and why you chose the ones you did: 
Who are some of your closest friends? Why are these people so important to you? 

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it.
Jordan
 “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b

Evolve as a Parent

When we were growing up, our family was everything to us. They were the safe place to run to. They were the calm in the storm. They were the people whose opinions we trusted most and whose advice we took to heart. But over the years, especially the teen years, the voices of our mom and dad become more like nails on a chalkboard than the sweet sound of comfort. So what happened? Our relationship evolved. And while that isn’t necessarily the most comfortable thing in the world for a teenager to go through, it also isn’t the worst thing either. So what do we do as our students become less and less willing to listen to the wisdom their families give? How do we handle the everyday conflicts that come up between students and their families? These are important questions worth finding answers to. Because, let’s face it, the relationship is changing. But as difficult as this may be to handle right now, that change can be for the good of everyone.

One of the toughest aspects of the teenage years is the growing feeling our students have that the conflicts within their families are actually their own fault. And maybe as a parent, you hear that and agree that most of the developing conflict is the fault of your teenager. You may find yourself thinking if you could just fix them, things would be better. There is no doubt our teenagers have some attitude adjustments that need to be made and some issues that need to be dealt with. That comes with the parenting territory at any age. And while we are taking a look at how we can help them through their teen years, it’s also a good time to take a look at our own actions and reactions within our family to figure out how we can actually escalate or diffuse the tensions that arise. 

As we experience anxiety in our own marital relationships, work relationships, friendships and even our own view of ourselves, it’s important to remember not to project these anxieties onto our children.

Because your teenager is not your best friend.

Your teenager is not a licensed counselor.

Your teenager is not responsible for the tension between you and your boss or you and your spouse or you and your other children. 

As Rhett Smith (MDiv, LMFT-A), a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, and part-time pastor to youth and families at Highland Park Presbyterian Church in Dallas, Texas explains in his article entitled “Managing Anxiety in the Family: Strategies for Changing our Relationship Dance” (fulleryouthinstitute.org), “If we really want to have healthy families, often we need to begin with the adults in the family taking responsibility for themselves. Rather than point the finger at our kids because they might be convenient scapegoats for our anxiety and conflict, real transformation lies within a family’s ability to do the hard work that relationships require.”

While this is solid advice, it can be really difficult to do! In the book Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, Reggie Joiner points out that one of the best tools to help you walk the journey with your teenager is to “Widen the Circle.” In other words, it’s important to invite other healthy adults into the life of your family; adults who are committed to your children and your family for no other reason than that they care. And this is also a great way to begin to develop processes for taking a look at how our family functions and how we can develop the most healthy family possible.

With this in mind, your student will be invited to participate in an XP, or experience, that encourages them to choose some wise people to help guide them through middle and senior high school. And, we have also encouraged them to include you in the process. Look forward to some more information from your student’s small group leader after week 2 of this series. 

Our teenagers are dealing with so many pressures and competing voices. Our best bet is to set them up for success by being their champion and a safe place for them to unload their woes and worries. While this may not be an easy thing to do, it is important for us as parents to start with ourselves and look at how we play into the tension within our family relationships. We are the best place to start when addressing the health of our families. 

To Read Rhett Smith’s entire article, go to http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2011/06/managing-anxiety-in-the-family/

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.  

It may be out of left field. It may not be the way you've ever thought. Consider it. 

Jordan 

“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:26b